The White Coat

As you climb the rungs of the academic ladder towards vistas unknown, you can’t help but imagine the clouds one day parting to reveal test tubes, a chalk board and yourself among them, draped in a white coat and stroking the beard that you’ve somehow managed to sprout despite the odds. You look thoughtful and confident. You belong.

But, alas, ‘tis not always so. Sometimes the clouds thin but never part. Is it fun to shoot lasers at quantum wells and set fire to innocent sheets of paper? Yes, of course it is. Nobody’s denying that.What’s less fun, is the other side, the one no-one warned you about – or maybe it was in the fine print, but you never flipped over the page because the risk assessment suggested it might be dangerous to climb a ladder one-handed. On the other side is a niggling feeling of unease. It’s strongest when your laser breaks, or your spectrum is noisy, or a spider sits right by the button you need to press and you’re too embarrassed to scream for help, so you have an existential crisis instead. But even once the spider scuttles off, the niggling feeling never does.

There are only so many times you can accidentally stab yourself with a needle before you begin to suspect that maybe, just maybe, you were meant for something else. Sometimes the white coat doesn’t fit (often literally – science fashion cares not for the plight of the vertically challenged).

The Pivot

So, academia’s not for you. You’re a menace in the lab and, rather than exciting you, the prospect of upping sticks every couple of years to chase the funding fills you with dread. Industry then? No – you don’t want to do science for The Man, you were in it for the truth (it’s out there). What does that leave? Must you get a boring office job?

No. Get an interesting office job. But can there be such a thing? It depends. Did you moan about scrolling through articles with no end and lament having to write up your research instead of just announcing “ah, I see” and moving on, all while secretly liking those tasks the most? Or maybe you liked them proudly, with your smooth, un-bearded chin thrust out. Good for you. Either way, you might consider a career in intellectual property.

Specifically, there could well be a vacant seat of a trainee patent attorney with your name on it. Not literally. If you discover they’ve written it there before you’ve even applied, you should probably leave. Better run, actually – that’s creepy.

The Firm

Even more specifically, you might consider PWF. Yes, I’m obviously biased, there’s no getting around that. I only interviewed at one firm and accepted the offer as soon as it was made, so quickly, in fact, that I may have scared them a little.

But the moment I walked through the door, the little niggling feeling disappeared and, in two-and-a-half years, it’s yet to return. The work is fulfilling, the feedback is flowing and the ladder has grippy, cushioned rungs that feel much nicer on your fingers. I belong here and you might, too. Also, the pay’s not bad.